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FRIENDS & RELATIONSHIPS

Breaking Up

Breakups are never easy; no matter who ended the relationship, or how messy the breakup becomes, losing someone close will always hurt. Unfortunately, it’s a necessary part of growing up and developing intimate relationships in adulthood.

Give yourself time: You are the top priority. It’s okay to be selfish when you really need it, and actually really important to put yourself first during this mentally tumultuous time. No matter the length or level of commitment of the relationship, it’s completely normal to grieve losing a romantic connection. There’s no step-by-step guide to recovering from a breakup, it’s different for everyone, and it’s important to not shame yourself for taking the time to heal.

Self-care: Be kind to yourself. This could mean retail therapy, reading, meeting up with friends, or even just allowing yourself to occasionally skip out on commitments like school or work – self-care means something different to everyone. Treat yourself as if you were helping a friend through a breakup.

Rediscover yourself: So much of our identity can become wrapped up in our relationship. We define ourselves as so-and-so’s partner and become comfortable occupying social situations together. Reclaiming a sense of self away from that person is an integral part of the healing process; spend time on your hobbies or interests and start appreciating the characteristics and values that make you, you. As awful as a breakup can be, it is an opportunity to rediscover parts of life and yourself that might have been neglected.

Distance yourself: Try and limit contact with that person, at least for the first few days after a breakup. Time is key to healing; maybe you will be friends with them again someday, but for now give yourself space to come to terms with what has happened. Distancing yourself might mean deleting their number, blocking them, or even just staying off social media for a bit. What is important is that you have space to process your emotions and get used to living without constant contact with them. This might help you fight the immense urge not to reach out to your ex.

Deal with the anger: Anger is part of the grieving process. It shields you from the pain and emotions of losing someone close to you. Whether this anger is justified, or irrational, dealing with the underlying emotions can help you move on and loosen the psychological grip that your ex might have on your life.

Change your perspective and uncover a way forward for you!

Here are some things that can help you with that.

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Great
reads

An Abundance of Catherines by John Green
Sometimes finding love isn’t as much of an issue as keeping it. Colin who has dated nineteen girls. All named Katherine—and all of whom have dumped him (yeah, you thought your love life was bad)

This is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz
Nine people's stories interweaved, filled with love, heartache and pain. A must read.

Getting Past Your Breakup
Susan Elliot shows how you can turn your breakup into the best thing that has ever happened to you. It almost, sounds too good be true.

Great
Films

Her
Grappling with the breakdown of his divorce, Theodore falls for an AI. It's a beautiful film, trust me.

Before Midnight
On their night in Greece, a couple reflects on their relationship - everything that makes it work and everything that doesn't.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Two lovers have their memories clinically erased, and then fall in love all over again. Massive mistake!

Spotify

This playlist right here is going to help you get through the pain.
Hang in there!

Podcasts

Just Break Up Podcast
This podcast is focused on friendship, honesty and love, and aims to tackle the common issues affecting modern relationships

Stellar Life
This podcast by life coach Orion Talmay features world-renowned experts in various topics; from self-development, health, wealth and sexuality to relationship advice, and so much more.

Modern Love
Each week, hosts Daniel and Miya explore and recite their favourite stories from the New York Times’ Modern Love column archive.

What science says

Science says most people breakup for these eight reasons; they wanted to be more independent, they didn't have similar interests, a lack of openness, a lack of support, a lack of loyalty, a lack of time spent together, a lack of fairness, or a lack of romance. Was this your relationship?

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