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feeling Down from being rejected or let down

Sadly, other people will inevitably disappoint you or let you down. Whether it's a friend cancelling arrangements at the last minute, or family members not showing up to an important occasion. It doesn’t matter what it is, it hurts.

Fortunately, there are a few things that will help you recover and begin to move forward.

1. Allow your feelings to be heard. Being rejected, let down, or betrayed does not feel great. Whatever you are feeling, acknowledge it and don’t try and shove it down. Put the feeling into words and locate where you feel it in your body. This is going to ground you. Once you have done that ask yourself if what you are feeling is appropriate for the situation? It might just be triggered from something in your past.

2. Acknowledge your unmet needs. The next step is to figure out why you feel this way. Maybe your needs are not being met? Do you need understanding, empathy, support, companionship, commitment, or consideration? Let yourself feel the unmet need. Talk to someone about it. Feel the disappointment of the unmet need, and then ask yourself whether you can accept that need not being met in this situation, or whether you want to do something about it.

3. Take care of yourself. Are there ways you can meet the unmet need for yourself? For example, if you have a plan to see a movie, and your friend cancels at the last minute, can you go by yourself? Maybe another friend wants to come? Just be compassionate and don’t let resentment get the better of you.

4. Decide if you need to speak up. Think about whether it would be useful to speak up about your feelings. If you decide to speak up, do it mindfully – getting angry could make things worse. If it's a difficult conversation, practice what you're going to say beforehand.

5. Examine your expectations. Think about whether your expectations are reasonable in this situation, and whether the other person is capable of doing what you expect. Maybe you need to adjust your expectations, or even just communicate them clearly. If it's a good friend or loved one, assume that they had the best intentions, unless you have evidence to say otherwise.

6. Set boundaries if you need to. If someone continually disappoints you, maybe it’s time to put some boundaries in place. Maybe you can see them less, or not see them at all. Either way, make it clear that if they hurt you again there will be consequences. Stick to your boundaries, they will make you safe and happier.

Most importantly, learn from the experience, and don't let other people's issues pull you down. You can choose how to react, even if you didn't choose the situation.

Change your perspective and uncover a way forward for you!

Here are some things that can help you with that.

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The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday
Learn about how some of the greatest people in history dealt with disappointment. Sounds good to me.

Essays in Love by Alain De Botton
Two people with the all the disappointments that come with falling in love.

Rising Strong by Brene Brown
This book is all about getting back up, bouncing back and owning your story of disappointment. It teaches you to regain power through vulnerability.


The Pursuit of Happyness
A Will Smith classic. His wife leaves him, and he loses his job. He tries to get back on his feet but is just with disappoint after disappointment.

The Breakfast Club
Another classic. Five teenagers locked in a classroom with no way out: it just spells trouble and lot of hurt feelings.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
An indie love film for the ages. Two people meet on train. Fall in love. Get their memories erased Fall in love again. There is a lot a heartache, trust me.


Here is a playlist about being rejected and how we can relate through these difficult times.


Work Life
Adam Grant teachers you how to face rejection—and even come out stronger because of it.

On Purpose
In this episode Jay Shetty shares 6 ways you can start to gracefully deal with rejection in any situation.

Bounce Back
Andrew talks to prominent Australians about challenges that they've incurred, and how they’ve overcome these difficulties on the road to success.

Places to find more resources

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