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Competing and being compared to my brothers and sisters

Being compared to anyone is never fun but being compared to a sibling is the worst. It feels so personal, and inescapable. Being compared to a sibling makes you feel like you are living in a continual competition, and if you are losing in the competition, your self-esteem takes a real blow.

If this is happening to you know that it is not your fault. Your parents most probably have unresolved issues of their own that are making them do this to you. You don’t have to feel inadequate because of your parents’ flaws. They are broken, not you.

If possible, you need to speak your parents about it. This will take courage. They need to know how they are making you feel. If you feel like they won’t listen to you, speak to your siblings about it, they probably feel the same way. If you and your siblings can sit down with your parents and talk about it, your parents are more likely to listen.

If your parents won’t listen, work on yourself. Think about how being compare makes you feel. Write a list. There is probably a million and one stories that you have started telling yourself because of being compared. For example, “I am not good enough”. You need to kick back against this narrative and make a habit of kicking back. When you catch yourself mentally bringing yourself down, do the opposite, say “No, I am good enough, no matter what my parents say”. Keep practicing this.

Remember, your life is own. The path you take is unique. You will be different, and you will achieve different things at different stages. Accept that. This is your journey and no one else’s. If you feel proud of you have done, that is all that matters.

Hang in there.

Change your perspective and uncover a way forward for you!

Here are some things that can help you with that.




Beezus and Ramona by Beverly Cleary
Having a little sister like four-year-old Ramona isn’t always easy for Beezus Quimby. She makes it hard for Beezus to be the responsible older sister she knows she ought to be

I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika L. Sánchez
Perfect Mexican daughters do not go away to college. And they do not move out of their parents’ house after high school graduation. Julia is not your perfect daughter.

I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson
At first, Jude and her twin brother Noah, are inseparable. Years later, they are barely speaking. Something has happened to change the twins in different yet equally devastating way.


Anna sets out on a journey with an iceman, Kristoff, and his reindeer, Sven, in order to find her sister, Elsa, who has the power to convert any object or person into ice.

Lion King
As a cub, Simba is forced to leave the Pride Lands after his father Mufasa is murdered by his wicked uncle, Scar. Years later, he returns as a young lion to reclaim his throne.

Cheaper By the Dozen 2
Tom Baker, a retired coach, takes his family on a vacation to relax and spend time with his children, who are all growing up. However, they are soon drawn into a battle against his old rival.


Just remember you're a force of nature and everything is going to be okay - this playlist will help remind you of this


Teenager Therapy
Five teenagers sit down and talk about all the problems that come with growing up and how to overcome these struggles.

Black Frasier
Sibling relay-lays can be tricky. Who better to discuss all the ups and downs of siblinghood than iconic twin pop stars Tegan & Sara.

On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This episode focuses on 7 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others.

Places to find more resources

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