Being compared to anyone is never fun but being compared to a sibling is the worst. It feels so personal, and inescapable. Being compared to a sibling makes you feel like you are living in a continual competition, and if you are losing in the competition, your self-esteem takes a real blow.
If this is happening to you know that it is not your fault. Your parents most probably have unresolved issues of their own that are making them do this to you. You don’t have to feel inadequate because of your parents’ flaws. They are broken, not you.
If possible, you need to speak your parents about it. This will take courage. They need to know how they are making you feel. If you feel like they won’t listen to you, speak to your siblings about it, they probably feel the same way. If you and your siblings can sit down with your parents and talk about it, your parents are more likely to listen.
If your parents won’t listen, work on yourself. Think about how being compared makes you feel. Write a list. There is probably a million and one stories that you have started telling yourself because of being compared. For example, “I am not good enough”. You need to kick back against this narrative and make a habit of kicking back. When you catch yourself mentally bringing yourself down, do the opposite, say “No, I am good enough, no matter what my parents say”. Keep practising this.
Remember, your life is own. The path you take is unique. You will be different, and you will achieve different things at different stages. Accept that. This is your journey and no one else’s. If you feel proud of who you are and what you have achieved, that is all that matters.
Hang in there.
Change your perspective and uncover a way forward for you!
Here are some things that can help you with that.
YouTube
Great
reads
It Didn't Start with You by Mark Wolynn
A groundbreaking approach to transforming traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations.
Little Women by Louise May Alcott
While the March sisters enter the threshold of womanhood, they go through many ups and downs in life and endeavour to make important decisions that can affect their future.
I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson
At first, Jude and her twin brother Noah, are inseparable. Years later, they are barely speaking. Something has happened to change the twins in different yet equally devastating way.
Great
Films
Little Women
While the March sisters enter the threshold of womanhood, they go through many ups and downs in life and endeavour to make important decisions that can affect their future.
In Her Shoes
Rose, a successful but lonely attorney, breaks relations with her party-going irresponsible sister, Maggie. Soon, the arrival of their grandmother, whom they don't remember, brings them closer.
The Edge of Seventeen
Nadine has problems with her mother and brother and considers her father as her only ally.
Spotify
Just remember you're a force of nature and everything is going to be okay - this playlist will help remind you of this
Podcasts
Comparison Will Kill You
Covering all kinds of comparisons - to friends, to standards, to people you didn't know, and how to overcome this feeling.
Black Frasier
Sibling relay-lays can be tricky. Who better to discuss all the ups and downs of siblinghood than iconic twin pop stars Tegan & Sara.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This episode focuses on 7 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others.
Places to find more resources
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