Being in the middle of family conflict is stressful and exhausting. Families should be a haven, not a hell. If you are in this situation, you probably feel responsible for trying to fix things. Know that whatever is happening right now, you are more than the fighting – this conflict is not a reflection of who you are.
No conflict is the same; and there is not to be going a definite way to fix the problem. When things at home get this messy it is hard to see a way out of it. What is often needed is perspective – everyone needs to take a step back and see the problem from an outsider’s view. Opening up to someone outside of your family can help you gain clarity on the issue, it could a friend, counsellor or coach.
Now, you might fear how your family would react if they knew you had spoken to someone else. Reach out to someone in a way where you still feel safe.
Your family needs to get to a place where they understand why you are fighting. Often conflicts that are filled with anger that is grounded in fear. In other words, everyone seems like they are angry with each other, but deep down, they’re probably scared of something. For example, your mum might be constantly angry at you for not studying or working hard enough. Although, she just seems angry, she is probably just scared; scared that you are not going to make a success of your life, scared that you are not going to reach your full potential, scared that she has failed as your mum.
Sitting down with your mum and having a conversation, when you are claim and don’t personally attack each other, can help get to the root cause of the issue. This is hard to do – it takes courage to start these conversations.
You need to find out what you family has in common, the things you agree on and try reminding each other of that. Often, we get so lost in the chaos of conflict that we forget we want the same thing.
If you feel like your family conflict has gotten out of control, seeking professional help is an option. It might not work for everyone, but it can work for someone.
Change your perspective and uncover a way forward for you!
Here are some things that can help you with that.
YouTube
Great
reads
It Didn't Start with You by Mark Wolynn
A groundbreaking approach to transforming traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations.
7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey
This book will help you realise that there are many simple things you can do in order to navigate life effectively.
12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan B. Peterson
Provides twelve profound and practical principles in comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, not to someone else today.
Great
Films
Inside Out
Eleven-year-old Riley and her five core emotions, Fear, Anger, Joy, Disgust and Sadness, struggle to cope with her new life.
Eighth Grade
Kayla Day is introverted but also posts videos about self-confidence on the Internet. She is not the person she is pretending to be and overcomes her fears.
Instant Family
Two parents who decide to foster must learn to love and parent children who have no interest in being parented in this heartwarming comedy.
Spotify
Just remember you're a force of nature and everything is going to be okay - this playlist will help remind you of this
Podcasts
Ask Dr. Phil
Dr. Phil has the most important thing to try when resolving conflicts within your family.
Family Conflict, Anxiety, and Emotional Repression
This podcast helps you be with family and friends, and tolerate any anxiety and conflict that might arise
Recess
This episode discusses different types of family conflict styles and realise the newfound power we possess to help us move forward.
Places to find more resources
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