Being in the middle of family conflict is stressful and exhausting. Families should be a haven, not a hell. If you are in this situation, you probably feel responsible for trying to fix things. Know that whatever is happening right now, you are more than the fighting – this conflict is not a reflection of who you are.
No conflict is the same; and there is not to be going a definite way to fix the problem. When things at home get this messy it is hard to see a way out of it. What is often needed is perspective – everyone needs to take a step back and see the problem from an outsider’s view. Opening up to someone outside of your family can help you gain clarity on the issue, it could a friend, counsellor, coach, teacher or trusted adult.
Now, you might fear how your family would react if they knew you had spoken to someone else. Reach out to someone in a way where you still feel safe.
Your family needs to get to a place where they understand why you are fighting. Often conflicts that are filled with anger could be grounded in fear. In other words, everyone seems like they are angry with each other, but deep down, they’re probably scared or worried about something. For example, your mum might be constantly angry at you for not studying or working hard enough. Although, she just seems angry, she is probably just scared or worried; scared that you are not going to make a success of your life, worried that you are not going to reach your full potential, scared that she has failed as your mum.
Sitting down with your mum and having a conversation, when you are both calm and don’t personally attack each other, can help get to the root cause of the issue. This is hard to do – it takes courage to start these conversations.
You need to find out what your family has in common, the things you agree on and try reminding each other of that. Often, we get so lost in the chaos of conflict that we forget we want the same thing.
If you feel like your family conflict has gotten out of control, seeking professional help is an option. It might not work for everyone, but it can work for someone.
Change your perspective and uncover a way forward for you!
Here are some things that can help you with that.
YouTube
Great
reads
It Didn't Start with You by Mark Wolynn
A groundbreaking approach to transforming traumatic legacies passed down in families over generations.
7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey
This book will help you realise that there are many simple things you can do in order to navigate life effectively.
12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan B. Peterson
Provides twelve profound and practical principles in comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, not to someone else today.
Great
Films
Little Women
While the March sisters enter the threshold of womanhood, they go through many ups and downs in life and endeavour to make important decisions that can affect their future.
Charter
Divorced Alice is afraid that she will lose legal guardianship of her two daughters and makes a desperate attempt to win them back.
The Edge of Seventeen
Nadine has problems with her mother and brother and considers her father as her only ally.
Spotify
Just remember you're a force of nature and everything is going to be okay - this playlist will help remind you of this
Podcasts
Teenager Therapy
Why do you feel unsatisfied with life, how do we know when we need help, and feeling uncared from your family?
Black Frasier
Sibling relay-lays can be tricky. Who better to discuss all the ups and downs of siblinghood than iconic twin pop stars Tegan & Sara.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This episode focuses on 4 reasons we try to change others and how to cultivate tolerance, patience and compassion.
Places to find more resources
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