Attracting someone can be a dream, but it can also be nightmare. Movies portray it as an effortless process where two people are naturally drawn together, but in reality, it doesn’t always feel like that. For the most part, there are a lot of nerves and worry involved – A LOT of worry. But fear not, we’re here to help! Below you’ll find guides, books, and other resources to accompany you on your quest to secure long-lasting love… or maybe just that first date.
So, you can’t stop thinking about someone. You’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time stalking their social media, and when you do actually talk to them you feel like your heart is gonna explode. Congratulations, you have a crush.
What the hell do you do next? Well, a good place to start is to ask yourself: do you actually find the other person attractive? Like, really. So often we worry if they’ll find us attractive, that we don’t stop to wonder if we truly find them attractive. Focusing on what a person could potentially bring to a relationship, and analysing if these are things you also value, is a great to strike a path when you’ve got a crush. It will allow you to have some level of agency in a situation where you may otherwise feel powerless. We can also easily get caught up in the looks of our crush instead of who they actually are, remember you could just be liking the idea of them instead of the real them.
The exciting news – people find you attractive! The trick is to show your most attractive self - the self that people closest to you know well. Generally, this is when you are comfortable, relaxed and calm. The most genuine you. It’s tricky, as staying calm and relaxed around your crush when your heart is beating a million miles an hour can sometimes seem impossible!
Before we get too carried away, we must acknowledge a sad reality: not everyone is going to find you attractive. Even though rejection happens to everyone, not just you, it can be painful dealing with it. Remember that you’d rather be with someone who appreciates your authentic self.
Physical attraction can play a large part in whether we feel a ‘spark’ with someone, however, there is research that shows that our energy and how we carry ourselves makes a much more meaningful and long-lasting impression on others.
In other words, when it comes to attracting someone you’re crushing on, being comfortable and self-loving might just be the most thing important we can do. That may sound easier said than done, but seriously, if you view yourself as worthy of love and accept your own flaws, chances are someone else will too. It’s normal to feel like you must change to fulfill someone else’s expectations, but long and healthy relationships form when we start to accept ourselves. It might be hard, but it is a good place to start.
If you're still feeling confused and filled with longing tinged despair, maybe try out some of the resources below.They might just help.
Change your perspective and uncover a way forward for you!
Single on Purpose by John Kim In this gripping read, John Kim teaches you how to work on your most important relationship: the one you have with yourself.
Daring Greatly by Brené Brown This book argues vulnerability is not a weakness, but a strength. And when we avoid vulnerability - from revealing our true selves - we avoid the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.
Love Demystified by Beverly B Palmer Ph.D.
This book is jam packed with evidence-based strategies for anyone looking for love or wanting to stay in love. There is nothing better than a bit of science to help us think straight.
When Harry Met Sally Harry and Sally have known each other for years, and are very good friends, but they worry romantic intimacy would ruin the friendship. I know, we have all been there...
Youth in Revolt
Nick is insecure, but when he meets Sheeni he feels even more so. To try and win her over Nick creates an alter ego for himself - Francois - but sure enough, things go horribly wrong.
The Ugly Truth
Abby, a TV producer, she strikes a deal with her chauvinistic colleague, Mike. He wants to prove the accuracy of his theories on relationships and Abby wants to put them to the test.
Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel
Therapist Esther Perel counsels real couples as they reveal the most intimate, personal and complicated details of conflicts that have brought them to her door.
Each week, hosts Daniel and Miya explore and recite their favourite stories from the New York Times’ Modern Love column archive.
What science says
Turns out that being around and seeing someone regularly increases the chances that you'll be attracted to them (hopefully, they'll be more attracted to you too). Research also shows that have having 'open' body language makes you more attractive. So, keep you head high and shoulders back!
And lastly - get ready for this one - opposites DO NOT attract. More than 250 studies should show that is when we have similar interests, personality traits, values, and attitudes they are more likely to be attracted to each others.
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