Breakups are never easy; no matter who ended the relationship, or how messy the breakup becomes, losing someone close will always hurt. Unfortunately, it’s a necessary part of growing up and developing intimate relationships in adulthood.

Give yourself time: You are the top priority. It’s okay to be selfish when you need it, and it's important to put yourself first during this mentally tumultuous time. No matter the length or level of commitment of the relationship, it’s completely normal to grieve losing a romantic connection. There’s no step-by-step guide to recovering from a breakup, it’s different for everyone, and it’s important to not shame yourself for taking the time to heal.

Self-care: Be kind to yourself. This could mean retail therapy, reading, meeting up with friends, or even just allowing yourself to occasionally skip out on commitments like school or work – self-care means something different to everyone. Treat yourself as if you were helping a friend through a breakup.

Rediscover yourself: So much of our identity can become wrapped up in our relationship. We define ourselves as so-and-so’s partner and become comfortable occupying social situations together. Reclaiming a sense of self away from that person is an integral part of the healing process; spend time on your hobbies or interests and start appreciating the characteristics and values that make you, you. As awful as a breakup can be, it is an opportunity to rediscover parts of life and yourself that might have been neglected.

Distance yourself: Try and limit contact with that person, at least for the first few days after a breakup. Time is key to healing; maybe you will be friends with them again someday, but for now give yourself space to come to terms with what has happened. Distancing yourself might mean deleting their number, blocking them, or even just staying off social media for a bit. What is important is that you have space to process your emotions and get used to living without constant contact with them. This might help you fight the immense urge not to reach out to your ex.

Deal with the anger: Anger is part of the grieving process. It shields you from the pain and emotions of losing someone close to you. Whether this anger is justified, or irrational, dealing with the underlying emotions can help you move on and loosen the psychological grip that your ex might have on your life.